Event Alert! A Man's Guide to Intimacy webinar with over 20 experts! February 2, 2022

Bottom line: I suck with keeping up with a blog. Maybe that’s a good thing as it means I am busy or maybe that’s an excuse. Like anyone else…I am not perfect ; )

Buuuut… I am part of an even that I wanted to let you in on. A Man’s Guide To Intimacy is a webinar a friend and colleague is hosting starting February 2, 2022. The webinar has 20 experts discussing some really great topics for men (but women can learn a lot too).

Below is the link to check out!

https://amansguidetointimacy.com/amgi-feb-2022-opt-in/

Please join me as I’m interviewed by psychologist, Dr. Nancy Moonstarr, along with 20 top experts as part of a free series for your pleasure; A Man's Guide To Intimacy IV - Lets Talk About Sex! The Holy Grail of Intimacy.

I am excited to invite you as we ‘stand with’ men, offering secrets and intimacy advice for your advancement in today’s world of sensual delight. Relax in your chosen space for a dedicated on-line program supporting Men’s journey through intimacy -- conversation through penetration, AND THEN SOME.  

This NO COST series starts on February 2, 2022. A day considered to be especially lucky for those wishing to break into something new with your lover(s)!

Dr. Nancy Moonstarr is a skilled interviewer who digs deep and asks questions you want answered. You are provided an opportunity to learn things most men will never know. If you’re a woman or on any gender spectrum, you are sure to benefit from these modern #TimesRight Conversations as well. 

You can watch it online, no matter where you are.  

By attending, you’ll learn specific techniques, approaches, mindsets, and words that will change your life and create intimacy at a whole new level.  You’re about to experience fun, exciting, real conversations around:

• Monogamy and Polyamory Options
  

• Vanilla Plus Kinky Sex
  

• Childhood Trauma’s Effect in The Bedroom
  

• BDSM
  

• Stereotypes Men Get Slammed With
  

• Medical Interventions for Hardness
  

• Psychedelics for Erotic Customizing

Spring. A Time of Rebirth

Spring is here. The warmer weather, flowering trees and just all around growth! Spring is a great time to start therapy or a self- growth routine/ritual. Spring represents new beginnings. New beginnings can be many things from a new exercise program, dealign with trauma, exploring yourself more deeply, getting into yoga/meditation… the list can go on and on.

Take some time out after you are done reading this and think about a new beginning. Where do you want to “begin again?” Imagine there are no barriers, no one telling you no (including yourself)- what does your new beginning look like?

Write down one step you can take toward that new beginning. And spend the next couple weeks visualizing your end result- your goal. Make this. practice for 15 minutes everyday with no distractions.

This is a powerful and simple exercise for growth- You’ll see!

Is Porn Your Sex Educator?

I see this ALL the time from kids to adults. Unfortunately porn isn’t going anywhere…so…

You owe it to yourself to get proper sex education that will serve not only you but if you are partnered (to your partner). Think about all the myths we generally come to the table with about what sex should look like, sound like, smell like… the list goes on. When sex doesn’t meet your expectations the disappointment sets in and can have an impact on your sexual intelligence as well as your partner’s self esteem.

So, to start some awareness around this topic- ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I like about my body (while looking at it naked in a mirror).

2. What do you notice about your sexual feelings? Do you desire sex, ling for sex, to be touched, licked, kissed, etc

3. How do you like to be touched? How aware are you about how you liek to be touched? Do you touch yourself that way?

4. Do you believe sex us about what bodies do or more about how people feel? (the second one being the correct answer)

5. Sex involves a number of activities- Do you know which ones you like?

Other things you can do to minimize the impact of porn on sexuality is read a book (I said that with an attitude because I believe we are living in a world where too many people just scroll social media and their brains are going in the SHITTER!). Seriously, books like Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Great Sex by Mike Castleman, mating in Captivity by Esther Perel to name a few. Read and educate yourself on this topic.

You can also learn to break out of your comfort zone and try new things, explore your body, your partner’s body, your belief systems (you may need a therapist to help with this)!

And of course, limit or stop watching porn so much. Read an erotic novel. Or hey, here’s a bright idea… Get creative and cultivate some exciting situations with your partner… (did I hear the doorbell ring? OH My must be the pizza guy let me take my clothes off now). Creativity is worth its weight in gold in the realm of sex. Play around with your thoughts and fantasies and come up with some great novel ideas!

Best to you!

Election Day

Can we all just stop the BS?

WE all want the same things- safety, rights, freedom, prosperity, peace, health, and growth. We fight for these things as a culture and in our relationships. No matter who you vote for today remember your intention. Go in that voting booth knowing that you have the best intentions for not only yourself but others.

Couples can get along when they are of different parties if they are mindful of the overall collective ideas mentioned above as well as knowing that who one votes for is not the defining factor of personhood.

I think as a culture as well as in relationships we need to learn HOW to respect differences. Not only with race, sexual orientation and identity, religion etc but differences in thought and perception. The fact is we are all different (and that’s ok). And, while we are different we all have similarities because we are human. It’s that “humanity” that we need to come together on (and not just in a crisis).

So if you are partnered, I invite you to have a calm conversation about intention with your partner. Open the door to connection in a time of disconnection. Understand them in a deeper way (this is a two way street). What are their hopes, dreams, fears? And, Why? This is how we get to connection and if we all did this we would be on the path to a “collective conscience” with the “right” to be an individual.

As always do your research and critically think not only about your candidate but also about your reason for being. No matter what, self-awareness is your biggest asset in your relationship and in your life.

Cheers to the best candidate and the prosperity of human beings.

Quick Relationship Maintenance

These are tough times for many.  It is fascinating over the last several months (in the age of COVID) how some relationships are flourishing and others are in serious danger of failing. Now more than ever is the time for maintenance for both self and relationships.

Bottom line: you have to be healthy to be in a healthy relationship. So, now more than every it is important to care for yourself.  Ask yourself: What am I doing for myself that is helping me feel good and grow? Growth is imperative for happiness as it is not a need of the ego, it is a need of the spirit. If you are not growing you are…. Dying (in theory).

These are some things to try:

Grounding. Go out in nature, take a walk, connect with your surroundings, breath in fresh air and collect your thoughts and energy.

Take 30 minutes a day for just you. In that 30 minutes do something that makes you feel good, be it exercise, your favorite television show, talking to a friend that makes you laugh. 

Everyday do something that inspires you. Inspiration raises vibrational frequencies of happiness.

This is the energy you can learn to bring into your relationship instead of stale negative energy.

When it comes to your relationship, imagine each of you knowing each other’s top two needs- to be happy in a relationship. If you do not know these then ask your partner.

Actively meet these needs (as best as you can, this is not about perfection). Imagine if both of you are putting that effort into the relationship. When couples are conscious of meeting each other’s needs both parties feel wanted, energized, and cared for.  This is part of what s called “conscious love” and now more than ever we need to be consciously loving our partners (and ourselves).

Start with you. Follow the guidance above. Then figure out or remind each other what your top two needs are in a relationship and actively work on those for your partner.  This is “relationship mindfulness” and it is necessary for a vibrant relationship.

Remember, nothing grows without care, not you, not your relationship(s).

 *Active Love versus Passive Love (Think about this phrase).

Staying Sexually Healthy at Home

You may be finding yourself with a lot of extra time on your hands and wondering what to do about it. If you’re stuck at home with your partner, then look no further. Having sex is not only a great indoor activity to pass the time, but it also comes with many benefits other than mind-blowing orgasms. Before you start spending more time in bed though, make sure you’re prepared and that your sexual health is in good standing.

Get tested- When was the last time you had a good ol’ STD test done? If you’ve recently switched sexual partners or have been with multiple people, it’s a good idea to get tested to ensure you are not unknowingly carrying anything. If your typical doctor’s office is closed at the moment, there are alternatives to visiting the physical location like using an at-home testing kit. Check with your doctor or local clinic to find the best solution for you.

Use Protection- Unless you and your partner are trying to get pregnant, protection is essential in keeping you safe. Condoms are the most effective way of keeping you free from any STDs or STIs. If you and your partner are both in the clear, then consider birth control or an IUD for contraception. Every couple is different, so talk with your partner and doctor about what’s best for keeping you safe while you’re sexually active.

Work Through Sexual Difficulties- While difficulties in the bedroom aren’t necessarily easy to talk about, it’s important to acknowledge any elephants in the room and work through them. By the age of 40, about 40% of men begin to experience erectile dysfunction, however, this can begin earlier in life. Luckily, there are medications available to help maintain an erection and they can even be delivered right to your door. Other difficulties include libido differences, sexual pain disorders, or orgasmic disorders. If you or your partner are experiencing any of these, talk with your doctor, or consider sex and relationship therapy with a trained professional from the comfort of your own home.

Communicate with Your Partner- Remember that communication is key in any healthy relationship. It’s important to talk about how you’re feeling and anything that may be bothering you. Without expressing any concerns or needs, the other person may never know. Keep your wants clear and always practice consent. Open communication will also allow for better trust and in turn, result in more opportunities for trying out new things in the bedroom!

Corona Virus Update-COVID-19

My heart goes out to all of those who are impacted by COVID-19. This is a trying time but we will get through this. My immediate focus is on the health and well-being of my clients. As the situation continues to unfold, at this point, I am practicing extra sanitizing in my office and will likely be transitioning totally to online (Zoom, Facetime, and/or Skype) this week, as well as phone sessions. While these are always available, for the next few weeks for the safety of all, this appears to be the the most responsible.

I assure you that online and phone sessions are just as productive and in man ways better as you are in the privacy of your own home. I will also be adding to my webinars over the next couple of weeks so you have as many options as possible.

My recommendations for this time are to breathe and try to relax as best as possible. This can be a great time to re-connect with your partner by doing some work together such as reading a book together, giving each other a massage, getting an exercise routine going (together), cooking together, journal writing etc. Individually, this is a great time to do all of those things as well as reflect on what you want moving forward.

In only a few weeks we will come out of this stronger with some new and creative ideas for work, self and our relationships. Let’s let it ride.

Here’s a quick mediation that I like to help you to be present. Breath deep and focus on your breath.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h41b3SGvy40

I am here to help you in any way I can. Be safe. And remember, some of the most amazing things can come out of a time of crisis. Allow yourself to go to that place of amazement.

Dr. Deb Laino