Just because you want the best for others doesn't mean they want the best for you (think "frenemies"). We've all experienced some form of this in our lives. The big question is what did you learn from these situations in your life? Self-responsibility is about recognizing life lessons and setting some healthy boundaries. We all struggle with this at points in our lives in different areas be it relationships, work, and many other areas. There have been countless times in my life that I've put myself "out there" for another person only to get bit in the ass.
There are countless stories from my clients and students of the hurt they've endured because they wanted to be there or help someone only to realize that the other person really didn't have their best interest in mind. It's painful for sure.
Here are some things to think about with regard to the people you allow in your life (including lovers).
- Can you tell them personal things without them running their mouths and making your story a topic of conversation with others? Trust is a huge factor in having the best interest (of another). This should be a "no negotiating" concept in relationships. If you can not trust a person consider putting your reality glasses on and examining what the relationship REALLY is.
- Does the person (people) celebrate your success? You know the person that when you get a promotion they're like "YES! lets go out and celebrate!!" Then there's the person that isn't really excited and possibly uses it against you-i.e. "you think you're better than everyone else." Most people want to share their successes with people who they feel are close to them in their lives. Undoubtedly, it is quite painful when we realize some people we have in our lives want us to fail or to stay on their level-misery loves company. Point is NO ONE should make you feel bad about your personal growth, success, and joy!
- Can you talk to the person without them shutting down, tuning you out, changing topics, or texting someone in the middle of your conversation? People who have your best interest in mind are engaged with you. They are interested. The conversation flows and feels positive.
The above are only a few examples and believe me if they are present, there are probably a lot more bad behaviors that are happening. Often, we turn a blind eye or rationalize the behavior resisting what is right in front of us.
There are life lessons that happen everyday in relationships. What are your biggest life lessons that you have been refusing to learn?
Do an evaluation of your friends, lover(s), colleagues even just using the above three questions as a starting point for your evaluation. You will get a lot of information about where everyone stands.
Growth is imperative in life- not always easy but imperative nonetheless.